L2 BLOG

If you have ever been jobless, then you will appreciate how much your job can be a part of your sense of identity.  We can start to feel inferior and lose our confidence, but in fact you are no more less of a person today than you were when you had that job.  Sometimes it is just the sense of belonging that gives value to our job and this can make even a lousy job a hard one to leave.  So it’s not that being a garbage man is the worst job in the world; the worst job is one where you are made to feel that you don’t belong.

When I was 8 years old, there was a kid in my class who always bullied me.  Finally, I told my father about it and got some advice. My father has always been good at diplomacy.  He can tell someone to go to hell and they’ll happily walk halfway there before realizing what he meant.  So, he said that the next time I see that guy, I should call him a #*&!#+! So I did, and that kid beat me up for it.  He also stopped bullying me though.  I don’t know if it was because of that first expereince, but ever since I’ve always been prepared to turn a situation with a bully into a confrontation.  Of course, there are many reasons why it is hard for a worker to be confrontational. Here are some common reasons why people tolerate a bully in their workplace:

1)      The fear of losing your job.  While it can be healthy to leave a job that is draining your spirit, many life situations can be connected to employment, especially intergration into a new labour market.  It is important to talk to others about it.  Some of my best freindships have come out of difficult workplace situations.

2)      Confusion.  Many people just don’t understand why they are being bullied.  They might ask “Why did I let this happen to me?”  They will spend sleepless nights trying to find reasons behind the bully’s behavior.  A good shortcut is just to accept that their is nothing rational about it.  Knowing why is not an option; instead you can develop methods for how to react.

3)      I will be labeled a whiner.  Bullies often operate in a two-faced nature.  Oftentimes, those who could be your best ally in the workplace have never witnessed any of the behaviour that you have.  Document things that happen to you as much as you can.  One or two things can be minimized but complaints about bullying cannot look reasonable when there are many.  A lot of little holes will sink a big ship and there’s a difference between an SOS and a complaint when the behaviour is frequent, repetative, and detrimental to the overall workplace.

4)     Forgetting who you are.  Bullies have a way of distorting your feelings of embarssment and shame and with these feelings being artificially high, you will be more prone to feelings of inferiority and lowered self-esteem.  It is important to be aware of this.  We may cry during a movie because our senses get so caught up in a fiction, but eventually the movie ends and we shake our heads about how silly we were to have cried.  Don’t let the bully trick your senses.  Remember who you are and keep the bully’s reality in the world of fiction.

5)     Not knowing what to say.  We’ve all walked away from a conflict and realized afterward what we should have said.  We might even be wasting our energy going through mock conversations with the workplace bully so that we can passively bully back.  However the bully strives to place you in situations where you can not respond effectively.  Know that saying nothing is also a good tatic.  Responses that are charged with negative emotion usually give the bully more satisfaction.  Not escalating the situation with a negative response can give you an advantage and also show your level of professionalism.

Workplace bullying has recently been recognized by the government of British Columbia and now falls under Bill 14 which places bullying alongside sexual harassment and discrimination.  Management often tolerates a bullying manager if there is no impact on the bottom line, but by adding legal penalties to employers who bully, it is expected that this will start to change things.  Look for how the law will begin to define actions that are seen as bullying as cases start to be brought forward.